


Lies

by timeladyofletters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Mentions of Sex, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2709290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyofletters/pseuds/timeladyofletters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You and Dean have been friends for a long time and have gotten used to turning to each other for comfort, until one night changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You slept with Dean Winchester last night. Actually, you had been sleeping with him for a while, but it was always just that – sleeping. Until last night, that is. Yesterday’s hunt had gone horribly wrong, and both of you needed comfort. So what do most people do when they’re in need of comfort? They turn to their best friend. You and Dean would often find yourselves sleeping in each other’s beds at the end of bad days, but never had it gotten farther than just holding each other and sleeping. Helping each other drive the nightmares away.

Neither you nor Dean had ever mentioned those intimate moments you shared; not before, during or after. However, this time one of you had to say something, because everything changed last night. As the two of you lay in your bed, holding each other, Dean kissed you. And you kissed back. Things progressed further from there, leading to you and Dean making love to each other for the first time.

Sex was a big deal to you. It wasn’t something you did often, and you didn’t take it lightly. But Dean was, as you had once called him, “the king of casuals”. Maybe that’s all last night was to him. It would break your heart if that were true. You didn’t know when you had fallen in love with your friend. It might have been a few months ago when the two of you started seeking comfort in each other’s arms. Or it could have been years ago when you first started hunting with the Winchesters. Either way, you couldn’t deny your feelings anymore.

When you awoke that morning, you were quick to discover that Dean had deserted your bed a few hours earlier. His side was cold and his clothes were gone. You buried your head in your hands, the worry of how last night would affect your friendship shuddered through your body. Once you got dressed after a quick shower, you headed to the bunker’s library to find Dean. It wasn’t long before you spotted him, reading through a newspaper and sipping at his coffee. You poured yourself a mug of the dark liquid before turning to him.

“Where’s Sam?” you asked, glancing around the room.

“Went out,” Dean grunted, never shifting his gaze from the newspaper. This was going to be harder than you thought.

“Dean,” you started tentatively. “Can we talk?”

Dean looked up at you and flashed a smile. You knew how fake that smile was, as it didn’t reach his eyes. He folded up the newspaper and set it down. “Sure, Y/N. What’s up?”

You couldn’t believe how nonchalant he was being, but you pressed on anyways. “Last night…what happened between us…” You mentally kicked yourself for not being able to form a proper sentence.

Dean nodded, a hint of a smile still on his lips. The same lips that had kissed every inch of your skin last night.

“That was fun, we should do it again sometime,” he said smugly. He must have seen the weary look on your face, because he raised his hands in surrender and said, “Or not! Your choice.”

You sighed deeply, trying to get past his detached attitude. You knew that there was so much more to him under the surface, but getting that part of him to open up was never easy.

“Look, I don’t want it to change our friendship, but—“

“It won’t,” Dean cut you off. “It was just a hook-up, Y/N. Don’t overthink it.”

You could feel your heart sinking.  _Just a hook-up_. The words were like knives. You briefly thought back to last night. Dean was so caring with you last night, so gentle and attentive; the exact opposite of how he was acting right now.

“No,” you insisted, your voice like steel. “That’s not what it was. Things have been different between us for months Dean, don’t you feel it? Last night…I don’t regret it. But I’m starting to feel like you do.”

“You want to do this now?” Dean asked. You could hear the annoyance seeping through him. “Fine.”


	2. Chapter 2

Hurting you was the last thing that Dean ever wanted to do, but he knew it had to be done. For your own good. Last night was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He was finally with you, body and soul. It was everything he had dreamed of. But some dreams, he had realized, are not meant to become reality.

“I know you’re not used to hook-ups, but I am. Last night? It was just casual sex between two friends.” He said through his clenched teeth. He could see the pain in your eyes, the same eyes that had given him so much hope last night, so he looked away. “I don’t get what you’re so upset about, Y/N. It was a drunken mistake, that’s all.”

You could feel the anger about to erupt from you. “So that’s it then?” you asked him shakily. “I’m only good enough for you at night after a bad hunt and a few beers, but during the day I’m back to being whatever the hell you want me to be?”

Dean sighed. “I’m sorry if you thought that it was something more, Y/N, but it was just a fling. It won’t happen again. And I think we should stop sleeping in the same bed all together if you’re gonna keep reading too much into things.”

You nodded, signaling the end of the argument, and walked away. Just before you left the room you, turned to face Dean one more time. Through your anger, you didn’t see his clenched fists or his damp eyes. You didn’t realize that he was just as heartbroken as you were.

“You put up this tough front, but as soon as people get too close, you push them away and hide behind all of your crap.” you accused. “Most people fear monsters, but not you. You fear the very people who care about you the most. You’re a coward, Dean Winchester.” Then you retreated to your room before the tears spilled from you. You knew your words hurt him, and a part of you wanted to take them back as soon as they left your mouth. But the most stubborn part of you wouldn’t let that happen. He hurt you, so you hurt him back. He’ll get over it.

Back in the library, Dean sat at his seat, his head in his hands. He hated himself for saying what he said. You were right about him, you always saw straight through his defenses. As you were leaving, he almost took you in his arms and kissed you right there and then, but he stopped himself at the last second.

He wanted to tell you that you meant so much more to him than you would ever know. Besides Sam, you were the most important person in his life. But Dean knew the cost of being with him. People who got too close to him always got hurt, or worse. He had to spare you of that fate, regardless of your feelings for him, and his feelings for you. If you were to be safe, then he had to keep his distance from you. He had to hurt you. He had to lie to you.


	3. Chapter 3

Being around Dean Winchester had become harder and harder over the past three weeks; ever since the two of you slept together and Dean dismissed you as “just sex”. He broke your heart that day, and your friendship suffered a colossal blow. You only talked to each other when you had to, usually when you were on a case. The rest of the time, you avoided each other or used Sam as a buffer between the two of you. For Sam’s sake, you and Dean were civil to each other, but the ease and playfulness of your friendship was gone.

Your nightmares, however, were back and more vivid than they had ever been. You wanted more than anything to crawl into bed with Dean so he could take you in his arms and chase the nightmares away like he used to, but you could hear his voice as clear as day, telling you that it couldn’t happen. He didn’t want you, you knew that. So you turned to the next best option for coping with your bad dreams – alcohol. You had started drinking a lot to drive the pain and nightmares away. The boys noticed of course, but they couldn’t say anything about it since they are just as bad with dealing with their emotions as you were.

You and the Winchesters had just wrapped up a case, simply a witch causing the usual mayhem. Afterward, you all went to a bar near your motel to unwind. You went straight for the hard stuff as soon as you got there, as you didn’t have the patience to sip on a beer that night. You needed a buzz and you needed it fast.  You were downing your fifth glass of rum and coke when he interrupted you.

“Maybe you should slow down a bit, Y/N.” Dean said from behind you. You didn’t bother to turn around to face him. Instead you rolled your eyes and ordered another drink.

“Go away, Dean,” you muttered when you realized that he was still there. He was just as stubborn as you were.

“Y/N, c’mon. You’ve been drinking a lot lately, and I know I do the same crap, which is why I know that you should stop. You’re too good for this,” he pleaded as he moved to stand beside you. You mentally registered that that was the longest sentence he had spoken to you in three weeks.

“No, Dean, I’m not,” you snapped. “Just leave me alone.” You were facing him now, and you could tell by his expression that he could see the anger in your eyes.

The stranger who was seated to your left seemed to have taken notice of the hostile debate and turned in your direction.

“Excuse me miss, but is this guy bothering you?” the man asked politely. For once, you were glad for the interruption.

“No, it’s alright,” you told the stranger, “he was just leaving.” You gave Dean one more annoyed look before turning to strike up a conversation with the man beside you. Dean retreated to the other side of the bar shortly after that.

You continued to hang out with the stranger for the rest of the night, flirting back and forth harmlessly with no intentions of it getting any further. But even though you tried to keep your focus on the stranger, you were all too aware of Dean’s gaze on you the entire time.


	4. Chapter 4

You made a beeline to your room when you finally got back to the bunker and without even changing, you collapsed in an exhausted heap on your bed. As soon as the silence set in, your mind began to race. Dean hadn’t said a word to you since the night before at the bar, and you hadn’t made an effort to speak to him. You had spent a few hours that night talking to the random stranger, whose name you couldn’t remember. You couldn’t even remember what the two of you had talked about. You memory loss wasn’t because of the alcohol or how tired you were though. You just weren’t invested in the conversation, but you had gladly faked small talk with the man in order to distract yourself from Dean.

Now that you were back home with no distractions, you couldn’t think of anything else but Dean. After two hours of laying in your bed and trying to sleep, you grabbed the bottle of whiskey from on top of your bedside table and took a few swigs. The amber liquid burned its way down your throat and warmed you up. Within a few minutes the drowsiness you oh so craved had begun to set in. You sent up a silent prayer to whatever being may have been listening, asking for the nightmares to leave you in peace for the night, before you blacked out. You should have known better than to try to pray the nightmares away, because prayer had never worked for you before, so why would it start now?

_The dream started out like the other ones always did – normal. You dreamed of a normal day, going through your normal routine, or as close to normal as your life ever got. Then it changed completely, taking on the now familiar form of your nightmares. Monsters, blood, and death flashed through your mind and you couldn’t stop it. Every creature you had ever hunted was after you. Everyone you loved had died because of you. The Winchesters had abandoned you. Someone was screaming from somewhere far off in the distance and you couldn’t help them because the hellhounds you feared so much were getting closer and closer; you could almost feel their claws piercing your flesh and then…_

“Y/N! Y/N!” a voice called out. You could feel someone grabbing you, but it wasn’t the sharp talons of monstrous dogs that you had expected. They were hands; warm, gentle, human hands.

“Y/N,” the voice said again. “Wake up, you’re okay, but you gotta wake up!”

Your eyes snapped open as you awoke, sweating and gasping for breath. Your bedroom light was turned on and Dean was sitting on your bed, facing you, with your wrists in his hands. Your shaky breaths turned to sobs and tears fell from your eyes as you processed the nightmare. You hated your body for betraying you by revealing how terrified you were. Dean ran a hand through your hair, smoothing it away from your face.

“Hey, you’re alright. You’re safe. I’m here, and nothing is gonna hurt you. It was just a dream. You’re safe,” he said, over and over again. He kept repeating those words until you realized that he was comforting you in the same way that he used to, before everything changed. You refused to let him know that he still had that calming effect on you, so you sat up and pushed his arms away.

“What are you doing here, Dean?” you asked with the most stoic tone you would muster.

“I heard you cry out, like you were in pain. I knew it had to be a nightmare so…” he trailed off, unwilling to admit how attuned he really was to you.

“So you decided to barge in my room and wake me up?” you accused as your pent up anger began to flow through you. He didn’t answer your question, and you didn’t want him to.

Without even thinking, you reached over to grab the bottle of whiskey again, and you took a big sip while Dean eyed you warily.

“What?” you demanded before taking another sip. But before the bottle could meet your lips again, it was snatched away from you.

“No more,” Dean said simply as he replaced the cap and set the bottle down on the ground by his feet.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Dean?!” you practically yelled. “You have no right to tell me how to live my life.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” Dean agreed. “But I need to know why.”

 “Why, what?”

“Why have you been drinking enough booze to put even me to shame?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” you mumbled, looking away from him.

“Yes, it does matter, Y/N. It matters a lot,” he insisted, trying to catch your eye again. “Please, just talk to me.”

You wanted to clamp your mouth shut and not utter another sound, but it seemed as if your body was on a roll with betraying your emotions. Without even meaning to, the words you had been holding on to for so long tumbled out.

“It keeps the nightmares away,” you explained reluctantly.

“But you’ve always had nightmares, and you never needed it before.” Dean pointed out.

You raised you head to meet his eyes and you willed your voice not to shake.

 “That’s because I had  **you** before.”


	5. Chapter 5

The room became silent as soon as the words left your mouth. Dean stared at you with a mixture of hurt and remorse. As angry as you were at him, you couldn’t bear to see that look on his face, so in one swift motion, you got out of your bed and made your way to the door. Before you could turn the knob, Dean grasped your arm, stopping you in your tracks.

“Y/N?” he said quietly as he gently pulled you back to sit on the edge of your bed. Then he knelt on the ground in front of you and lowered his head, as if he was ashamed.

Then he took a deep breath before saying, “I’m sorry, Y/N. You’ve been hurting, and instead of being there for you, all I’ve done is push you further away. I’m so sorry.”

“Why do you care, Dean?” you whispered as you struggled to keep the tears that threatened your resigned composure from spilling over.

“Because I love you,” Dean answered, nonchalantly.

You were stunned. Absolutely, completely stunned. A part of you couldn’t believe what you just heard. But a larger part of you, the part that still held on to those nights you and Dean spent in each other’s arms, allowed a single tear to finally trickle down your cheek.

Dean licked his lips and then looked at you, as if he were waiting for a cue to continue.

“I-I lied that day,” he admitted, stammering slightly. “Everything I said about you being just sex and not wanting to be with you…they were all lies. That night was one of the best nights of my life, and I’m so sorry for how I treated you the next day. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

You closed your eyes and shook your head, trying to stay as rational as you possibly could.

“Why should I believe you?” you asked him. “Why should I believe anything you say to me?”

“Because I hate what happened to us. And I’m sick and tired of you and me pushing each other away all the time. All I’ve been trying to do is protect you, but I always end up hurting you. That’s why I lied. Because you shouldn’t be with me, Y/N. Everyone around me gets hurt, or worse. I’m poi-”

“Don’t,” you cut him off. “Don’t say it. I know what you’re going to say, but it’s not true. You’re not poison, Dean. Not even close.”

During the conversation, your anger had melted away and was replaced by understanding. You finally understood why Dean was so hot and cold with you. So you took a chance and traced your fingers down the side of his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. When your fingers got close to his mouth, he took your hand in his own and kissed the back of it.

“I can’t give you anything, Y/N,” he continued, still holding your hand. “I can’t give you nice things or a family or a safe, normal life. I want to more than anything, but I can’t.”

Tears were still falling from your eyes as you pulled him up from the floor to sit beside you on the bed. Then you dropped your voice to a whisper.

“I want **you** , Dean. You’re all I need.”

Before he could say anything else, you pulled Dean close to you and pressed your lips to his. Dean’s hands roamed to your back and hugged you to him, as if he never wanted to let you go. You deepened the kiss, parting your lips to allow him to explore you fully and completely. The both of you could taste the salt of your tears and the bitter whiskey on your tongue, but neither of you minded. All you cared about was the sensation of finally allowing yourselves to truly be together. When you broke away, you both had to take a few moments to get your breathing and heartbeats under control, yet you never allowed your hands to stray away from each other.

“By the way,“ you panted, “You can’t always protect me. I was a hunter before I met you, remember? I’m doomed whether we’re together or not.”

Dean nodded and pulled you back into his arms. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before speaking again. “Then let’s be doomed together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it, and thank you for all the wonderful feedback! :)


End file.
